A Not So Horrible Holiday 2
by theatrefreak10
Summary: Takes place after the first "A Not So Horrible Holiday". What happened to Steve and Jessa after Susan had set out to destroy them? I highly recommend you read the first two stories in the series!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry that I don't visit as often as I should. I just- I let you down. You deserved better than what I had to offer." I whispered as I knelt in front of the headstone. Unshed tears sprang to my eyes and I pushed them away, "I'm happy. I wish you could see that. Your sacrifice wasn't in vain and we finally caught every single one of them. Bill, Lisa, Susan. They're all gone."

"Jes?" Dad's voice called from behind me. I turned to him, noting the worried look on his face.

I sighed, "I have to go now, but I promise I'll come back and visit more. I love you, Mom and Dad."

I stood just as my dad came to stand behind me, "Hey. When I got up this morning you weren't in the house. You had me so worried."

"I'm sorry." I turned to him, "I just wanted to visit them. It's been so long since I did that."

"I know." Dad pulled me into a tight hug and I breathed in his scent, "You have counseling today."

I groaned and pushed myself away from the hug, "Please, don't make me go! It doesn't help!"

He sighed, "Jes, I'm not going to make you do anything. I just want you to be able to move past what happened. After Bill and Lisa, we didn't do anything and you struggled for months! I don't want to see you go through that again."

My resolved crumpled into ashes. As much as I hated the thought of counseling, I would go because it meant so much to my dad. "Okay. Let's get it over with at least."

He kissed my forehead and led me to his truck. The ride to the Five-O's base of operations was silent. Dad had asked the counselor to do our sessions there so that it would be more comfortable for me. I had asked that he put up curtains in his office because I hated people watching me talking to her.

Her. Elizabeth Cornwall. She was around Dad's age and nice enough. She wasn't the problem. The problem was me. I hated having to share every minuscule detail of my life. From Bill and Lisa to the nightmares that plagued me at night. Of course, I didn't tell her about all of the nightmares, only the ones that pertained to Susan.

"You ready, kid?" Dad asked as we were just about to walk into the main room.

I shrugged, "As I'll ever be." Squaring my shoulders I stepped into the room. I was met with smiles and hugs.

"Morning, Jessa!" Jerry grinned as his thick arms wrapped me into a tight hug.

"Good morning, Jerry. I'm off to pour my heart and soul out to Elizabeth." I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

Dad and I made our way into his office and he greeted Elizabeth, "Ms. Cornwall."

"Commander McGarrett! Jessa! I'm so glad you could come!" She smiled that sparkling white smile of her's.

I nodded my head and turned to Dad. He gave me a wink and pulled me into his side, "Just talk to her, Jes. It'll help." And with a quick kiss, he left.

I pulled the curtains shut and sat on the couch waiting for Elizabeth to begin. I twiddled my thumbs in anticipation for the questions that were sure to be thrown my way. This would be our third session today and so far I hadn't said more than a few words to her.

"Jessa, do you mind if I call you Jes? You seem to relax more when you're called that." She spoke sweetly.

I stiffened, "I do mind. No one, but my dad is allowed the liberty."

Elizabeth nodded, "Why is that?"

"He is my father." I shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes.

"I want to be your friend, Jessa. I'm here to help you, not to harm you." She leaned forward, "You can talk to me."

I laughed, "My dad pays you. Of course, you 'want' to help me."

"You seem to have a lot of animosity towards counselors. I wonder why that could be?"

"We both know why. I saw a counselor before I was adopted into the Lawrence's family." I whispered.

She nodded, "Yes, Taylor Alexander. Did you have a problem with her?"

"She was pushy. She always wanted me to answer her questions even if I wasn't comfortable to. I don't like pushy people."

"I'll remember that. Jessa, I'm going to be quite frank with you. I'm the fourth counselor you've seen since everything ended with Susan and I'm going to do a lot of things you won't like, but that's how I'm going to help you. You don't like pushy people? I won't be pushy, but I am going to ask you questions and I will ask you to do some exercises. Do you think you can at least give this a shot for a few sessions? Two more at the least?" Elizabeth asked.

I shrugged, "I guess so."

Her smile was blinding, "Great! Let's get started. You've been experiencing nightmares?"

"Occasionally. They're always about Susan though. That day, what happened." I looked at my hands as they rested in my lap.

"Does the outcome ever change in your dreams? That is to say, does she ever live and someone else dies?"

My breath caught in my throat; I wouldn't go there. I couldn't go there. The truthful answer was yes, sometimes the outcome was different. "No." I stated, meeting Elizabeth's eyes so that she would know I was giving her the truth, or rather the truth I wanted her to hear, "Susan always dies in the end."

She wrote in her notebook, "And do you always end up hurt? It says that you had been shot, lower left side. Is that always the outcome as well?"

"Yes. I find that my nightmares always portray what actually took place."

"I see. If you know they are truth then how do you suggest we go about getting rid of them?" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

I sat up straighter, "Me? I'm not the professional therapist! How should I know?"

She shook her head, "No, you're not, but I still think you know how we can help change your nightmares. So tell me, what can we do to rid yourself of them?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I like to write and when I am scared or hurting I write a letter to my dad."

"Nate Lawrence?"

"No," I whispered, "Steve."

Elizabeth's pen moved quickly across the page as she looked up, "Why don't we try this: when you find yourself awake in the night from the nightmare, I want you to act like you're just writing to your dad. Tell him about what happened and then write about how you can change it. Here, I want you to use this." She handed me a leather bound notebook and my fingers flirted across the front.

"Just write like I'm writing to my dad." I nodded my head and squared my shoulders, "I can do that."

"I was hoping you would say so!" She smiled again and I found myself smiling as well. She stood to leave and I jumped off of the couch, "Alright, that's it for today! I'll see you back here next week, same time! You did promise me at least two more sessions!"

I wrapped my arms around myself, the leather notebook tucked closely to my chest, "I did and I was taught that I should never break a promise I made."

Elizabeth nodded, "Until next week."

I watched her leave through the door and suddenly I was alone. I was never alone for very long as of late. Dad hated leaving me alone for more than thirty minutes and I hated being left alone. I stared at the picture on his desk. How had it only been seven months since that luau he had thrown for my birthday? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Hey, kiddo, you ready to go to school?" I jumped at his voice, "You okay?"

"What? Yeah, no, I'm fine. I was just thinking." I shook my head to rid myself of the memories, "We can go."

Dad gave me a skeptical look, but didn't push. He knew that I would come to him in my own time. With one last glance back at the picture frame, I shut the door on my dad's office and on the memory.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The sun was blazing, birds were chirping, and airplanes took flight overhead. I tripped over a raised piece of pavement and fell into Susan.

"Watch where you're going, brat." She hissed.

I apologized and straightened myself. I jumped ahead in time. It was as if someone had a remote that controlled my life; they were fast forwarding to all of the intense scenes.

I stood in the airport, a gun pressed firmly into my back and I begged him to let me die, to let it all end here. I couldn't see him get hurt by Susan and I prayed that he wouldn't grieve me for too long.

A gunshot rang out and I crumpled to the floor. "Jessa!"

"Jessa!" Someone shouted, "Jessa." A hand rested on my shoulder and I jolted out of the daydream.

I sat in the middle of my AP calculus class, the hand belonged to my teacher, "I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr. Singer?"

"The bell rang, class ended." Mr. Singer gave me a skeptical look, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-" I stood up and quickly gathered my things, "Yes, I'm fine. Have a nice weekend!"

I hurried out of the classroom and bolted to the bathroom that was always empty. The one down by the choir rooms that everyone refused to use. I threw my stuff down next to a sink and turned on the water. I cupped my hands and let the water fill. When they were mostly full, I splashed my face. I repeated the process a few more times until I met my reflection in the mirror.

Dark circles rimmed my eyes and I tried desperately to mask them with makeup. My mascara was smudged and I hadn't reapplied it in days. I looked at myself. My brown eyes looked as though they had shattered into a million tiny pieces. My cheeks were in a constant state of being flushed, almost like I had run a marathon. My hair... I tried not to think about my hair and the state it was left in after Susan had done her hack job.

I pulled the black hair tie from it and the braid it was in, fell apart. It was growing out and it was finally just below my shoulder blades. I sighed as I looked at the broken girl who stared back at me.

I heard my phone buzzing from my backpack and snapped out of my trance. I grabbed it and groaned. "Hello?" I asked tentatively.

"Jessa! Where are you?" Kono questioned.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I had to go to the bathroom after class! I'll be there in two minutes, I swear!"

She sighed, "Okay, just hurry. We're already late and you know how your dad is."

I hung up and grabbed my things. Ever since I had made the choice to go back to school, Dad had been extremely overprotective. He always dropped me off and sent one of the team to pick me up. Monday's it was him, Tuesday's were Danno's days, Wednesday's were Chin's, Thursday's were Jerry's, and Friday's were Kono's. It was frustrating, but I never complained. Secretly, I was always relieved to see one of them at the end of my school day.

I pushed through the exit door of the school and found Kono's familiar car. I rushed over, opening the passenger door as soon as I made it there. I slid in, "I'm so sorry! I swear, I was just going to the bathroom."

"Jessa, it's okay. We just need to hurry that's all." Kono winked at me before turning the key in the ignition. The car came to life and soon we were driving the five minutes to my house.

We pulled into the driveway, the sight of my dad's truck greeting us. I groaned, "Thanks for the ride, Kono. Now, I have to go explain to Dad why I'm late. You think if I tell him it's my time of the month he will avoid what happened like the plague?"

She laughed, "Only one way to find out!"

I closed the car door and made my way up the front steps. I turned to wave goodbye just before opening the front door. The smell of pizza hit my nose and I smiled. Friday movie nights had become a staple in our house once again.

"Dad! I'm home!" I called as I dropped my school stuff into the front closet.

"You're late!" I could hear his loud footsteps drawing closer and I stood up from where I had been bent over, removing my shoes.

I laughed, "I know, I know! AP Calc ran a little longer than expected and then I had to run to the bathroom."

"Okay." His eyes met mine and I found a soft smile spread across his face. He pulled me into a tight hug, "How was school, kiddo?"

"It was fine." I shrugged, "I think Mr. Singer might be worried about me."

Dad pulled back, "Why is that?"

I walked into the kitchen, looking for the pizza that I smelled, "I was a little jumpy in class today. I kind of was in a daydream and didn't hear the bell ring. When he touched my shoulder I about had a heart attack."

Ever since that day in the airport, I had been very jumpy towards the smallest of touches. It seemed that I was always caught in a living nightmare and when someone tried to grab my attention I would jump right out of my skin.

"Do you want me to talk to him? To explain what's going on?" Dad raises his eyebrow as he pulled out two plates for us.

"No, there's really no need. It's not like I'm falling behind in class or failing. I have an A." I placed two slices of pizza on my plate and grabbed a pop from the fridge, "Hey, what's the movie for tonight?"

"Movies."

My eyes widened and I became excited, "Weekend marathon? Of what?"

Dad grinned, "Tolkien's greatest hits!"

"Does that mean what I think it means?" I asked and he nodded, "The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings?"

"What else would they be?" He grabbed his plate and I followed him into the living room.

I plopped onto the sofa next to him, "I am so excited! These are my favorite! Thanks, Dad."

"Anything for my girl! Even if that means I'm stuck watching movies about hobbits and dwarves all weekend." One of his arms wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me to him, planting a kiss on my hairline.

It didn't take me long to become immersed into the movies. I was completely captured by the world of adventures, wars, and beautiful dwarves! After six hours of the movies and lots of pizza, I found myself growing tired. We had just finished the second Hobbit film as I unsuccessfully stifled a yawn.

"Okay, bedtime." Dad said, standing up and holding out his hand for me.

I shook my head, "I'm not tired!"

"Jes," He began, "We have all weekend to continue watching, but right now you need sleep."

I grumbled and toon his hand. He helped me off the couch and led me upstairs. "Goodnight." I said as I stopped at my bedroom door.

Dad pulled me into a strong hug, "Night, Jes. I love you." He planted a kiss to my hair as I echoed his words.

I walked into my tidy bedroom and closed the door behind me. After changing into a tattered Navy tee and some bedtime shorts I crawled beneath the plush comforter on my bed. I let out a sigh of relaxation and found it extremely difficult to keep my eyes open. I soon gave into the sleep and was thrust into the darkness.

* * *

"Hey, stranger!" Catherine grinned as her face lit up the screen of my laptop.

"Hey." I smiled back.

"How is everything? How is she?" The worry was clear on her face.

I shrugged, "She seems to be doing better, but she just won't tell me what's in her head. I'm afraid she's just pretending like everything is okay for my sake. It's frustrating."

Catherine nodded, "It's not like I have much experience in parenting, but I could talk to her if you want."

"No, it will be fine. I just need to let her come to me on her own timing. I can't rush her."

"Yeah. How are you, Steve?" I met her eyes and she gave me her knowing look.

I ran a hand over my face and shook my head, "Considering everything that happened, I could be worse."

She let out an exasperated sigh, "Steve, come on."

"She was shot. My daughter was shot and she flatlined three times. I don't- I can't- she's my everything, Cath. To lose her would have been the worst thing. It terrifies me. It's different with her than it is with you. I know you can take care of yourself, I know that you don't need me like she does. With her- With Jessa, she's dependent on me to protect her and I almost failed horribly at that. I've failed twice at that." I shook my head.

"You can't think like that. Jessa knows you protect her, Steve." Catherine's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Sometimes I wonder if she'd be better off with someone else. I feel like I'm highly inadequate to be her father."

"No." Her voice was fierce and it had my head shooting up to meet her eyes, "She would not be better off with someone else. Do you not remember what happened last year when you were locked up in North Korea? She refused to eat while you were gone. She stayed in your room, wrapped herself in your blankets, clutched your photo to her chest. Jessa wanted nothing more than her father to be home. She is better off with you, not without. So stop this, Steve. Stop doubting yourself. She deserves you and you deserve her."

I nodded my head just as I heard shouts, "Cath, I'm going to have to go."

She nodded her head, "Remember what I said, Steve."

More screams came from the other side of my far wall and I hung up. I bolted out of my room and towards Jessa's. Her door was shut as I slammed through it, ready to kill whoever harmed my daughter. However, I was met with a more heartbreaking sight.

Jessa was tangled within her sheets as she tossed and turned. Sweat formed in beads along her forehead as she continued to thrash. Another scream left her mouth and I rushed towards her.

"Jessa." I called as I wrapped her into my arms, "Jessa, come on, wake up. It's just a dream."

She let out a mangled cry, "Dad!"

"Jessa," I stated firmly, "wake up!"

Jessa jolted out of my arms and out of the bed. Her breathing was labored as she stared widely at me, "Dad?"

I stood up and went to her, my hands resting on her shaking arms, "It's me, Jes."

"Dad." She sobbed and threw her arms around me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Sh. You're okay, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

"She killed you." Jessa cried into my shirt, "She killed you and I was left alone."

I let out a forced breath and brought Jessa back to her bed. I pulled her down onto it and kept my arms firmly around her, "I'm right here. Susan didn't kill me. You're not alone, Jes."

"But I watched... You- you were-"

"Jessa," I interrupted, "I'm right here. Susan is gone, not me. She can't hurt you now."

"She does though." Her voice was barely audible, "It's like she's still here, Dad. She's still inside my head and she still has such a hold on my life. How can I make her go away? I'm so tired. I can't close my eyes without her being there, to torture me."

I sighed, "I don't know what to do, Jes. There is nothing I want to do more than take all of your pain away, but I can't. I can only be here to hold you and reassure you that she will never harm you again. We'll get through this. I know we will."

"How?" Jessa's brown eyes met my own, "How do you know?"

"Because I know you, Jes. You're the strongest person. You are a fighter and you won't give up until you've beat her."

A few tears slipped down her cheeks, "I want to give up sometimes."

I nodded my head, "Me too."

"Really?" She pulled away from me further.

"Sometimes I think it would be better for you if I wasn't your father."

"What? Dad that's-"

I smiled sadly, "I know, but I sometimes feel like I've failed you and that it would be better to just give up."

Jessa bit her lip, "But you won't."

"I won't." I nodded, "I won't give up because you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are everything to me, Jessa and if I gave up I would lose everything. So we can't give up, either of us. We have too much to lose and so much more to gain in our lives. We'll beat this together, I promise."

She laid her head back on my chest and I could feel her breathing begin to level out. "We'll beat this. Together."

I kissed the top of her head, "We will. Now get some sleep, I'll be right here if you need me."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Jes, I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"And the nightmares? Have they been changing at all since you've started the journal?" Elizabeth's pen scratched quickly across the legal pad that was held tightly in her hands.

My hands played with a frayed edge on my jeans, "No. They've only gotten worse. More real. Before I could simply wake up from them and tell myself they weren't real, they were just a false retelling of history. It's like the journal had the reverse affect on me. I wanted it to work so badly."

She nodded her head, "That's okay. It's not our only route of nightmare destruction. There are many ways to counterattack them. I try to stay away from prescribing any sort of post traumatic stress disorder medicine, but if that's something you feel like we should consider, tell me."

"No, I don't want any sort of medicine." I shook my head adamantly.

"Okay, good. Now, let's see what we can do to help get you out of these. I want you to use a lavender diffuser at night. Just let it run all night. Lavender tends to be a calming scent and can help produce better dreams. It's not a fix-all, but it may help. I have noticed that you tend to calm over certain scents. Your father's especially. Also, I want you to do this yoga routine before bed." Elizabeth handed me a sheet of paper that had multiple different yoga poses on it.

I quirked an eyebrow, "Yoga?"

"Yes, it's a great calming technique and it's proven to help reduce stress. Stress can be a major factor in PTSD dreams."

"Okay," I nodded my head, "is there anything else?"

Elizabeth smiled, "No caffeine starting two hours before you go to bed. Let's start with these and if we need to change or add anything we can. Are you okay with this?"

I shrugged and met her gaze, "I want to be rid of the nightmares. I'll try whatever."

"Great! I will see you back here next week, same time!" We stood up and Elizabeth smiled before leaving my dad's office. I sighed and dropped my head into my hands. I just wanted to be rid of it all. Why couldn't I just live a normal teenage life?

The door creaked open and in walked Dad, "Hey, sweetheart, how did it go?"

I lifted my head and gave him a smile, "Elizabeth gave me some new things to try for the nightmares."

"That's good." He nodded his head, "You ready to head into school now?"

"I suppose so." I sighed.

Dad laughed, "Only a month until graduation! You're almost there!"

"I cannot wait. High school is so stupid." I grabbed my backpack and we both headed down to the truck. The drive was quiet and long as we made our way towards the school.

Dad pulled into the parking lot and gave me a smile, "Are you going to be okay today? You didn't sleep that much last night."

"I'll be fine. It's not like this is anything new for me." I laughed lightly, but it felt empty.

"Jes," he warned.

I nodded my head, "I know. If I need something I will call you. I promise. I'll see you after school."

I slammed my door shut and jogged into the building. School had already started, I would need to check in before going to class. By now, the security guards and office aids knew that Monday's meant I was in late because of a counseling appointment. Thankfully, I was able to rework my schedule so that my free period fell on Monday mornings.

I smiled and waved to Stan, one of the guards and he buzzed me in. "Morning, Jessa! How was your weekend?"

"It was good. My dad and I watched the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings movies!" I said, omitting the parts about my frequent nightmares.

"I'll never understand your ability to sit through so many long movies." Stan shook his head.

I shrugged, "It's helps when they're based off of your favorite books. Well, I'm off to English! See you later, Stan!"

He nodded his head and gave me a friendly smile before I left for my first class. The school day passed by uneventfully and soon I was waiting for my dad outside of the school. I sat on a bench, my legs crisscrossed underneath me. I took a bite of my apple and continued writing my story for my English class. It was by far my favorite class because we could write fiction all the time and read books whenever we wanted to. The teacher was laid back and helped out when we had writer's block. It was great.

I checked my phone and it was nearing 3:30. Dad was late, but he hadn't called. I rolled my eyes. For someone who was overprotective, he always seemed to be late in picking me up. I took another bite and wrote some more. A car honked, the sharp sound startled me out of my quiet writing and I looked up.

Danny was waving from his Camaro at me and my eyebrows furrowed in question. I grabbed my backpack and walked over to the silver car, "Hey, Uncle Danno. What are you doing here? Where's Dad?"

"He got held up on a new case. He would have been here except it's been a little weirder than usual and he needed to stay with the victim." He gestured for me to get in and I did.

"Weirder than usual?"

Danny nodded, "Yeah, he's actually at the house with the victim."

I shook my head, "Okay, I'm just going to go with it and stop questioning."

"That's probably for the best." He laughed.

We drove towards the house and Danny questioned me about my day. I gave him all of the typical answers and soon we were pulling into the drive. "Thanks for picking me up, Danno. You're the best uncle."

Danny fist pumped excitedly, "See, I knew it. Can I get that on tape?"

I shook my head and laughed, "Absolutely not!"

He rolled his eyes, but peeled out of the driveway. I waved goodbye and walked through the front door. It was oddly quiet for Dad to be home. Especially if he had brought the victim to one of his cases here. "Dad?" I called out, but there was no answer. I dropped my backpack on the sofa and slipped off my converses.

I walked towards the patio, thinking that maybe he'd be out there. Sure enough, as I slid the glass door open, I found him out in the ocean. I walked out to the beach and let my toes crunch into the sand. It was a beautiful spring day and maybe I could catch my dad for a surf too. I waved to him and caught his attention. A smile lit up his face and he turned to his surf partner, which I assumed was the victim.

They both paddled in and I met them at the water's edge. "Hey, Jes. Sorry that I couldn't pick you up. This is Ryan. He's going to be staying here for a while." My dad smiled at me, but his eyes told me to play nice. I almost laughed. Of course, I would be nice. I had no idea what he had just gone through.

"Hey, Ryan. I'm Jessa. You look like you can catch some major waves! That last one was seriously awesome!" I extended my hand and he took it gingerly.

Ryan looked to be about fourteen. He had sandy blond hair and bright blue eyes. "Yeah, my dad-" his voice dropped off and I knew why.

I quickly jumped in and changed the topic, "Well, if you guys are still game, I'd love to join the surf!"

Dad shook his head, "We're going to head back to headquarters. I just bought Ryan might like a change of scenery for awhile. We'll be home for dinner."

"Oh," I tried not to let the disappointment set in, "okay. Do you want me to order some pizza? I'll pick it up around 7."

"Why don't you have them deliver it here?" He raised an eyebrow, daring me to argue it.

I bit back my snarky comment and nodded, "Yeah, that's fine. I'll make sure it's here by 7."

We all walked up to the house and I immediately went to my room. Shutting the door on the weird reality I had just walked into. Ryan seemed like a good kid and I think I knew what might have happened. Loosing a parent is the worst. I flopped down onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to be upset over Dad blowing me off for the case. I knew had to see it through and I admired that.

"Jes, we're leaving." Dad shouted from the main floor. I didn't bother responding as I heard the front door shut and lock. I rolled off my bed and walked down the stairs to my empty house. I turned on my music and hooked it up to my Bluetooth speaker. I hit my favorite playlist and soon the musical jams filled the empty house. I grabbed my school stuff and sat down at the rarely used table. If I was going to be left alone, I might as well be productive.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I sat in a stall in the girl's locker room, my phone held tightly in my hand. I tried to take deep calming breaths, but I knew that it wasn't going to work. My leg bounced quickly, my feet tapping the cold tile floor. I tried to focus on the rhythm it created, but it wasn't working.

"Come on, Jes, you've got to get this under control." I pleaded with myself, but I could feel the panic pressing in. The walls felt closer, the ceiling dropped, and the floor raised itself higher, "She's gone. She's gone. It wasn't a gun, it was just a basketball hitting the wall. You're fine."

It didn't matter how many times I told myself this, the panic took over and soon I was losing breath. I quickly opened my phone and tapped on Dad's name. I held it to my ear as it rang. My leg bounced faster. Three rings... pause... four rings... pause... five rings... click, "This is Steve McGarrett, sorry I missed your call, leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

A beep and then silence, it was allowing me time for my message. I took a deep breath, but it came out in a strangled cry, "Sorry, I called." And then I hung up. He was busy, I shouldn't have expected him to answer.

I called the next person I could think of. The only other person who could help me with a panic attack. It rang once and then he answered, "Jessa?"

"Danno," I cried, "could you come get me. I'm- it- it all just happened so fast and it sounded like a gun, but it was just the basketball and now I can't stop. I'm hiding in the locker room. Please, Danno. I feel like I can't breathe."

"Hey, Jessa, I'm on my way okay? I was just around the corner at the middle school with Grace. I'm coming, sweetie, just keep talking to me and breathing." I could hear the sound of sirens and somewhere in the back of my head I was laughing that Danny would use the sirens in order to get to me more quickly.

A deep inhale and a shaky exhale, "I called Dad. He didn't answer. I- I wanted him to, but I shouldn't have expected it."

"Why's that?" Was Danny's quick reply.

"He's busy. He- he has Ryan now and he's busy with him." Another inhale and exhale, but the panic was there still.

"Jessa, you know he's never too busy for you."

Danny's voice was fading and I could faintly hear him calling my name through the phone. I wasn't sure how long it was until I felt two hands on my face. They tilted my head and I met Danny's worried eyes. His mouth was moving, but I couldn't quite make out the words. I was choking for air. I focused on his lips, he was exaggerating each word.

"Jessa, focus on me. You are having a panic attack, but you can control it." Control. I so desperately wanted control. Danny's rough hands didn't leave my face as I slipped further into the attack. "Honey, I need you to take a deep breath and hold it for 3 counts. And then we'll let it out for 10. Ready?"

I numbly nodded my head. He counted to 3 and I managed a small breath, but I couldn't hold it for long. "That's okay, let's keep going. In- 1, 2, 3 and out- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10."

I controlled it a little bit longer and we continued to do the counts. After a few minutes, I was breathing normally again and felt the muffledness of the world drift away. "Thank you." I whispered.

"Hey, I'm glad you called me, kid. Let's get you out of here okay?"

I nodded numbly and let him lead me out of the locker room. We walked straight out of the gymnasium exit doors and out to the parking lot where Danny's car had been parked in haste, "You parked on the entrance sidewalk?"

He shrugged sheepishly, "I wanted to get to you as quickly as possible."

I didn't have any other words to say to him. He dropped everything just to come stop a panic attack. I'd never had an uncle before, but I was glad to have one now. We drove away from the school in silence. I picked at the skin around my nails.

"Jessa, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

I raised my eyes to look at him in question, "With my panic attacks?"

He looked at me for a second before looking back at the road, "With you and your dad?"

"Oh."

"Come on, kid, I know there's something you aren't saying. You haven't visited the office since we took on Ryan's case. We all came over to the house two nights ago for family dinner and you didn't come out of your room. Your dad may think it's just finals getting to you, but I know better. What's going on?" He asked pointedly.

I sighed, "It's nothing, Uncle Danny."

Danny laughed, "Yeah, right. I'm not believing that one bit."

"Seriously, you're not gonna just let it slide?" I groaned.

"No can do, kid. So, what's the deal?"

I looked out the window and tried to piece my thoughts together in order to make it sound like I didn't completely doubt my dad, "It's hard with Ryan being around."

"Is he a bad kid?" Danny asked.

"No," I shook my head, "he's nice enough. It's just that, this is going to sound extremely selfish, Dad spends all of his time with him. Uncle Danny, I'm graduating in less than two weeks and Dad has not said one word to me about it since he's started this case. I'm not saying I want some big party or anything, but this is kind of a big deal to me. I'm graduating."

He nodded his head, "I get it, but is this really about graduation or just the fact that Steve has been focusing on someone else lately?"

I let my head fall back against the headrest with a groan, "It's probably the latter of the two. I don't want to be a bratty teenage girl or anything, but it feels like Dad would rather spend time with Ryan than me. It's probably a lot easier to hangout with a teenaged boy than a girl."

"Jessa..."

"I'm just saying! He constantly keeps pushing me off for Ryan! And I understand it's his case and he always has to follow through. He promised me that he'd help me with my college applications. I have to turn them in before June 1st. We were supposed to do them last week. He came home with Ryan and said that he was instead taking him to some college basketball game. And then, we were supposed to have our weekly Saturday brunch at Mario's and instead the two of them went surfing... without me! I swear, the only times he notices me now is if I'm about to leave the house without his consent. He got upset with me for going to get the mail. The mail, Uncle Danny!" I let out a huff of air and crossed my arms over my chest.

Danny nodded, "Alright, I hear you, Jessa. I'm not going to make excuses for your dad, but he is under a lot of pressure to solve this case. The new governor is making things too difficult for the team. I can talk to him if you want?"

I shook my head, "No, I just needed to blow off my frustrations. I'm fine. We're fine. Dad's devoted to his job, I should know that the best. Thanks, Uncle Danny."

We pulled into the driveway of my house and I hesitated to get out of the car, "He's still at headquarters. He won't be home until after you've been technically picked up from school by me today."

"Thank you, I don't know what I would do without you."

"Anything for you, kid. You know he loves you right?" Danny asked gently.

I nodded, "I know."

He smiled, "Good, now get inside and you probably want to change before he gets home. It'd be weird to greet him in your gym clothes... He knows that's your 4th period."

I laughed and shook my head. The house was silent as I locked the front door behind me. I kicked my tennis shoes into the front closet and ran up the stairs to my bedroom in order to change. My room was a complete mess as I hadn't bothered to pick it up in a few weeks.

I grabbed a pair of jeans and a T-shirt to put on. As I changed, I suddenly remembered the message I had left on my dad's phone. "Oh crap!" I grabbed my cell phone and quickly called Danny.

It rang once before he picked up, "You okay, Jessa? Do you need me to come back?"

"No, no! I'm fine! You have to get to Dad's phone! I accidentally left him a message before I called you today. You need to delete it!" I spoke quickly.

"Are you sure?" Danny asked hesitantly.

I nearly shouted, "Uncle Danny!"

"Okay, okay, I've got it covered. I'll steal his phone and delete the voicemail."

"Thank you!" I sighed in relief.

I could almost see the eye roll he gave me, "Yeah, whatever, kid. Now, you do graduate in two weeks, but I know you've got a huge AP calculus exam coming up. You better be studying when your dad gets home."

I scoffed, "Whatever you say. Bye." I grabbed my AP calculus textbook and headed down to the dining room to study. I had just settled in when my phone pinged with a notification.

My eyebrows furrowed as I unlocked it to see a text from Lacey. "Hey, girl," it read, "I got tickets to see Queen tonight! Do you want to go?"

I bit my lip in thought. I loved Queen. They were one of my all time favorite bands, but there was no way Dad would ever let me go. I sighed and texted back a quick apology and reason as to why I couldn't tonight. My mood was quickly becoming worse.

I opened the heavy textbook and began working on some of the example problems that Mr. Singer said would be covered on the exam. I wasn't paying attention to how much time had passed, but by the time my back began aching from sitting in the hunched position the front door opened to reveal Dad and Ryan.

"Hey, Jes, we aren't going to be staying long. We just came home to grab a quick shower and change of clothes. We've got a basketball game to go to!" Dad smiled at Ryan and the young teen left for a shower.

I nodded my head and turned back to my work. Of course, they were going out and I was expected to stay home. As per usual. I flipped my notebook to a blank page and continued to work on another problem. Dad came over and placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"AP Calculus? Gross." He jokingly said, "Hey, I'll leave you some money for dinner tonight. Order in whatever you want."

I nodded my head without a word of response. I knew what that meant. No driving. The math equations were becoming darker and more thick as I pressed my pen harder onto the page. "I'm gonna get going. I'll see you later tonight. We probably won't be home until 10, so I may not see you until tomorrow anyways. Have a nice night, kiddo."

"Mmhm." I mumbled and waited for him to leave until I snapped my book closed and stormed into my bedroom. You know what! I wasn't going to be stuck inside the house yet again while Dad and Ryan went and did something phone. I grabbed my phone and opened the text from Lacey. Before I could second guess myself I sent her a new one.

"Actually, count me in. I can hold off on studying for the night. Let's go scream Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of our lungs."

It didn't take long for her reply to come through, "Yes, girl! Dreams do come true! Pick you up at 6."

After all, what Dad didn't know wouldn't hurt him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I stood in front of my mirror, looking at my outfit. I had on an old Queen band tee that was from the 80's. I wore it with my faded, ripped skinny jeans and leather jacket. I slipped my feet into my trusty combat boots and stood back up to examine my appearance in the mirror once more. My hair fell down, almost past my mid back, in curls. It had finally grown out after Susan Wright had done her little hack job to it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and as I did so, I began to slowly lose my resolve in going to this concert. This wasn't me. I didn't sneak off to concerts behind Dad's back. I didn't sneak off at all. Just as I was about to text Lacey and tell her I couldn't go, a car honked. In the short second, I made up my mind. I had to do this. It's not like Dad would ever find out. He's be asleep by the time I got home and he would think that I was asleep by the time he had gotten home. I sighed, squared my shoulders, and picked up my purse before I blinded down the stairs.

* * *

All I wanted to do was go home and watch a movie with Jessa, but there was no end to this case in sight. I felt it was my responsibility to take care of Ryan as we desperately tried to wrap up his case. Jessa. She had been especially quiet since I took on this case. She kept herself locked away into her room most days and when she did venture out, she was never quite the same.

I sighed and shook my head of the worries for now. I was driving home from the basketball game that Ryan and I had gone to and to say I was tired was an understatement. I couldn't wait to get home so that I could drop right into bed before starting on the case in the morning. Ryan has fallen asleep halfway through the drive and his head was no resting against the window.

I glanced quickly at the young kid. He had lost both of his parents in a similar way as Jessa. Thankfully, he had grandparents who were desperately trying to get to him but were stuck on the mainland because of a tropical storm. I spent so much time on this case because of the fact that it was so similar to Jessa's. I didn't have a choice. I had to put my all into it.

Finally, I pulled into the driveway of the darkened house and I knew Jes was asleep. She only ever left one light on in the living room if I was coming home late and she didn't want me to wake her up. It was a little signal she had created. My heart dropped in knowing that I probably wouldn't see her until it was my turn to drop her off at school, which wasn't until Tuesday.

Ryan woke up as soon as the car had come to a complete stop, "Thanks for taking me to that basketball game. It was a lot of fun! What's the plan for tomorrow?"

"I figured you'd want to sleep in. I have some work to do, so you can hang out with Jessa if you'd like." I smiled.

"Yeah, that's cool. She likes board games right?"

I nodded my head, "Yes, but if she asks you to play monopoly, run far away. She's brutal in that game. Take my advice, play battleship or better yet, watch a movie! You can keep your ego intact that way."

Ryan laughed, "She sounds very competitive!"

"Oh she definitely is." We made our way inside before parting ways to our separate ends of the hallway. I passed Jes's room on my way to mine and I paused briefly. I listened carefully and was met with the sound of her floor fan and noise machine. It always amazed me how much noise my daughter required in order to sleep. My mind wandered back to the fact that I had barely seen her and the pain was once again clawing at my heart. I shook my head and opened the door to my bedroom.

* * *

"Lacey, this is amazing!" I shouted over the music that was coming from Queen. She nodded her head in agreement and we both turned back to stare at the stage in awe. Soon it was intermission and I desperately needed to find a bathroom, "Hey, I'll be right back! The bathroom is calling my name."

"You better hurry! We only have like 20 minutes before they're back!" Lacey said.

I pushed my way through the crowd of people until I spotted the line for the bathroom. I groaned as I realized how long it was. I got in line and grabbed my phone in order to pass the time. I scrolled through Instagram and paused on a photo of Kono surfing. The pure happiness was evident on her face. Just as I was about to put my phone away, a text popped up from Catherine. She was saying a hi and letting me know that she was sorry she'd miss my graduation.

I began typing a response back to her, "It's okay, you won't be the only one missing it! At this point, I think I'll be the only one in attendance." I had meant to delete it, but instead I accidentally hit send. It was read instantly and then the three little message bubbles popped up.

I groaned as I waited for her response. "Pretty sure you'll have the family in attendance lol" it read.

"Yeah, I was joking. I'm sure everyone who can be there, will. Well, I'm about to crash. I'll talk to you later. Love you." I sent the message and shipped my phone back into my purse.

I had finally gotten to go to the bathroom and was on my way back to my seat when a group of college boys drunkenly spilled their alcohol all over me. I groaned, "Great, this is just what I needed." I went back to the restroom to clean myself up and that's when they announced that Queen was back on stage.

This night was shaping up to be less than expected and I was growing frustrated. I managed to clean up the alcohol, but I was left with a serious stale stench on my clothes. I'd have to wash them before dad woke up in the morning. The rest of the concert went by in a blur and soon we were making our way back to Lacey's car.

"That was seriously awesome! I'm so glad you decided to come with me, Jessa! It just wouldn't have been the same without you!" Lacey's excitement gave her a bounce in her step.

I smiled, "Thanks for inviting me. I really needed this tonight. I don't remember the last time I had this much fun! It was great to get out of the house."

She nodded her head as she unlocked the car, "Yeah, we've all really missed you at our diner Friday's. Jake definitely has been in a sour mood."

"Yeah, Dad's been a little overprotective since the whole Susan thing went down." I sighed and looked out the window.

"Well, that's fair. You kind of got shot and almost died." Lacey shrugged, "I think we're all a little overprotective of you now. You should see Jake when you're not around. One of the football guys made some crude remark about you and Jake beat the crap out of him."

I shook my head, "He shouldn't be doing that. He could lose his scholarship to Michigan State."

She nodded, "You're right. He could, but I think you're more important to him than a football career."

"We're in high school. I shouldn't be that important to him."

"If you say so. I know you won't really listen to my advice, but I think yo-" she didn't finish her sentence as flashing lights and a siren came from behind us.

I turned around as best as I could in my seat and was met by the sight of a cop car, "Are we being pulled over?"

Lacey's eyes grew wide, "Uh, I think we are."

"I bet you anything my dad did this. He probably found out that I wasn't home and sent his boys after me. I can't believe this." Lacey parked the car on the side of the road and we waited for the officer to come up to us.

A knock was at her window and we both jumped before she rolled it down. "Hi, officer. What seems to be the problem?" I asked.

"You guys know you have a tail light out?" The middle aged officer asked. I sighed in relief.

"No, I didn't. This is my brother's car. I'm so sorry, sir!" Lacey apologized.

He nodded his head, "Where you girls headed?"

She gave a shaky breath before responding, "We're just on our way home from the Queen concert."

"I see. Can I see some ID from you both?"

"Uh sure." We scrambled to find our ID's before handing them over, I bit my lip, "Is there another problem?"

"Yeah, I'm going to need you two to step out of the vehicle and come with me. Underaged drinking is not allowed and nor is drinking and driving."

Lacey looked at me with fear, "But we weren't drinking, officer!"

He looked at us skeptically, "I'll be the judge of that."

We complied with his wishes and when we stepped out of the car, it was clear that we weren't going to get out of this one easily. He gave us a few tests before coming to the last one. We were to walk in a straight line. Lacey passed it with ease, but I knew I would not. My knee had been slowly starting to throw over the course of the night and now it was on fire. I attempted the straight line, but I couldn't manage it.

"Miss, you're free to go, but I'm afraid that Miss McGarrett will be coming with me to the station."

Lacey was about to panic, but I stopped her, "It's fine, Lace. I'll just call my dad and he'll get it all taken care of." She nodded her head reluctantly and the officer had me put my hands behind my back, "Are they necessary? I'm not going to run or be aggressive."

The officer, whose last name was Garcia, shrugged, "Maybe that's true, but I can't necessarily trust you now can I. Let's go, McGarrett."

He put me into the back of his police car and as we drove away, I stared at the face of my friend. Panic and fear was written all over it and I felt terrible that I had been the cause. This night would not be going my way.

* * *

"You can have a seat here while I process your booking." Officer Garcia pointed to a chair next to his desk.

I nodded my head and slumped into the chair, "I'm 18, so you're not calling my parents right?"

He looked up from his computer, "Not unless there's something in a file that tells me otherwise."

"Nope. I just wanted to check." I bit my lip and he went back to his paperwork. I stared at the clock, watching as time slowly ticked away. It was well passed 2 am by now and I was terrified that I'd be here long enough to give my dad time to figure out I was gone.

"Jessa?" A familiar voice exclaimed. I inwardly groaned as I realized who that voice belonged to. Sergeant Duke Lukela came into view, "I thought that was you! What are you doing- oh."

"Hi, Duke." I said sheepishly.

"Sergeant, you know this young lady?" Office Garcia asked.

Duke nodded, "So should you. That's Commander McGarrett's daughter." The officer's eyes grew wide in realization, "Why exactly is she handcuffed and here?"

"Intoxication. I promise it was all very above the board, sir. I administered many tests and she failed the straight line." Officer Garcia quickly spoke.

"Is that true, Jessa? We're you drinking tonight?"

"Oh gosh, no! I'm not stupid enough to do that! Not only would Dad kill me, I think I'd kill me too!" I shook my head.

"But she smelled heavily of alcohol." Officer Garcia protested.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, maybe you should administer a breathalyzer. If you had you would have seen that my blood alcohol level is normal because I haven't had any. Then I could have told you that the stale stench of liquor was from a bunch of frat boys at the concert who couldn't keep their drinks in their cups."

Duke sighed, "Officer Garcia, administer a breathalyzer and if it's clear, let her go."

"Still doesn't explain why she didn't pass the straight line test!" He said.

"I-"

Duke cut me off, "She didn't pass it probably because of her knee. It was broken awhile back and if she's on it for too long it starts to hurt and causes her to limp and sway. You know what, I'll take it from here."

Officer Garcia left with only a few well placed grumbles underneath his breath. Duke gave me an apologetic smiled as he took off the handcuffs, "Thanks, Duke. I really didn't want to have to call Dad or anyone from Five-O really."

"Why's that?"

"They've been pretty overprotective of me as of late and I barely have room to breathe. Tonight was the first night where I felt like myself again. I felt like I got to be just a normal teenager. Cop car and I all." I laughed.

He chuckled with me, "Jessa, you are one crazy girl. Next time you're at a concert, try to stay far away from the frat boys, okay?" I nodded my head and he continued, "Come on. I'll give you a ride home."

* * *

A lead had taken me to the police station for some files on a suspect. Normally, I would have sent Kono on a run like this or even Jerry, but I needed out of the office. I had been there since 6 am and I was growing tired of pacing the length of the floor.

I was passing through the station when an officer, just older than me, stopped me, "Commander McGarrett, I am very sorry for last night. I had not realized she was your daughter and the smell of the alcohol was heavy. She didn't pass the straight line test so I just thought-"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." I interrupted the officer and raised an eyebrow.

"Um, I pulled Jessa and a friend over last night."

I felt my blood run cold, "You must be mistaken. Jessa was at home."

The officer shook his head, "I have the file to prove it if you want and the sergeant can vouch for it because he drove her home. I really thought she was drunk and when she made a big deal of not calling her parents I- ohhhh, I see. You didn't know she left the house."

"Duke knew about this?" The anger was oozing from me by now.

"Uh, yeah. Look, I just wanted to apologize and say that I had just cause for arresting her. I'm sorry that I didn't administer a breathalyzer when I initially suspected she was drunk." And with that the officer was gone, leaving me to stew in the news I had just been given.

I had no idea what I was going to do with this information, but it certainly made me reevaluate leaving Jessa home alone. She had apparently broken my trust and I never saw that coming. I let out a frustrated sigh and went back to work. I could already feel the tell tale signs of a migraine in the works. It was shaping up to be a very long weekend.

* * *

 **Words cannot express how terribly sorry I am for my impromptu hiatus. I had not been planning on being gone from my fanfictions for so long. After a lengthy stretch of writer's block, countless sicknesses, a loss in my family, and a new job (all the while I have started my master's degree), I have finally been able to sit down and write again!**

 **My faithful readers- I thank you for sticking it out with me and I am striving to be more active in my stories! This chapter probably isn't my best work, but I wanted to get something up for you all! You have waited long enough!**

 **I'll be back soon! I promise!**

 **Until then,**

 **Theatrefreak10**


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